Being All Introspective (a/k/a More Game Design Woes)

Been doing a lot of soul-searching the last few weeks since I've had some time to actually do so. Prior to November, it seems my schedule was nothing but zipping from one project to another, or doing multiple projects at once, all of which seemed to have the same deadlines. But of late, I had some time to sit down and look back at the last couple years of writing and figure out the bottom line of things.

By bottom line, I mean it in the literal sense this time around: financial. For those who don't know, I worked as a computer network engineer for many years prior to moving into full-time writing and game design. The problem was that I could make really good money, but there were several restrictions. I had to live in a town large enough to support a Novell trained engineer; had to work insane hours; had to be on-call and even carry a pager or cell phone and respond when a school district or county offices' servers were down; and worst of all, I had to constantly be learning the next new software systerm, platform OS, networking protocol, hardware configuration, and more.

So to avoid the high blood pressure that came with the job, I phased it out slowly - cutting back from full-time to self-employed, then cutting back on accounts as I got rid of my credit card bills and could afford to do so. For the last couple years I've been writing full-time, and scraping by on the measly income that such a career generates. My blood pressure is about normal and I don't bite off my friend's heads (often), but unfortunately it continues to be a struggle to keep the coffers full.

I had really hoped that the glut of work I did in 2003 would pay off handsomely in the end, but thanks to the vagaries of the gaming/publishing industry, I have at least two projects I wrote and completed on time (Godlike's Operation Torch and SJ Games GURPS WWII: Blitzkrieg) that may or may not ever see print due to publisher financial difficulties, predicted lack of sales, etc. That's several weeks or months of work - for which I have contracts - that have been essentially wasted and will probably produce no income. As of this writing I'm currently owed about $5,000 in back pay (not just from these books, but from various publishers), which means for 2003 I'm $5,000 more broke than I had intended.

Suffice to say, as much as I love to write and love my job, I'm getting kind of tired of working full time for no pay, especially when working under a contract and still getting no pay. Nothing like working 30 hours a week for a year, only to have less money in December than you had in January. Don't misunderstand; this isn't a gripe about any particular publisher. I understand the industry; I'm just not sure I can continue to put up with it for much longer without going flat broke.

There's an old joke that goes:

Q: What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and a game designer?

A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.

So What's This All Mean?
Basically, I'm trying to decide how best to refill my bank account and pay off bills I've accrued in the last few years (bought a car, for one). I don't plan on getting out of writing - I love it too much. But I'm beginning to really cringe at the thought of spending 2004 writing 500,000 words for publication, only to have 20% never see the light of day, and the other 80% generate an insufficient (and often late) income.

As most of you know, my main interest has been in writing fiction anyway. Problem is, that pays absolutely zero until you have a contract, which is infinitely harder to get than a gaming contract (for me, anyway, having a rep in the gaming industry already). So if I choose to devote my writing energies to a novel or two, I'll be even more broke and starving than normal, which would, obviously not solve my problem (at least in the short run).

I could go back to working in computers, but now my skills are about four years behind the times - which in the computer industry makes me a dinosaur. I'd have to go back to school, retrain for the latest technology, learn the newest incarnation of Windows NT (or whatever they're calling it these days), Novell 5 (at least), and learn all the peculiarities of the new Windows platforms like 2000 and XP. Not to mention returning to the 80-hour work week and the 160/120 blood pressure days. Not exactly my idea of a good time.

So... I've been looking through the online want-ads, local job openings, and even looking nationally at the workforce predictions and wage comparisons. I need to find something that pays well enough to make it worth training for, and that promises a reasonable chance of getting work that doesn't eat up my entire week nor require constant training to stay employable.

All said and done, it seems the medical field is seriously in need of help these days. Everywhere I turn there's a job opening for an LPN, RN, radiology technician, or some other medical staffer. There's a huge need for trauma nurses locally, and I see EMT/Paramedic openings all the time (though that training seems a bit spendy, relatively speaking). The baby boomer generation is getting old (and unhealthy), and I really doubt we're going to see a sudden drop-off in need in this field. For me, that means I could work most anywhere I chose to live, and it shouldn't be too hard to find part-time work, or at least 40-hour work since it's a buyers market, so to speak.

Don't misunderstand. I'm too old to become - and have no interest in becoming - a doctor, but there's a radiology tech program at a college about an hour from here, and locally there's a very good nursing school. I'm not even that far from University of Washington, which has one of the highest rated medical and nursing programs in the U.S.

So I'm headed to the local college this afternoon to ask questions. My college credits from Portland State are very old, and may or may not transfer. I'm not even sure I want to go back to school. Me, in a class full of 18-year-olds. Not my idea of a good time. Sounds more like the plot for a mid-season replacement sitcom on the WB. Still, most of these programs are only a year (or maybe two) and a lot of people seem to be changing careers mid-stream.

Can I go back to school for a year and still write? Yeah. Can I write 500,000 words? Doubtful. But then, on the flip side, writing a half million words hasn't done much for my bank account in the last year or two, so what have I got to lose? Heck, I might actually be able to get a novel finished in the interim.

So how do I pay for all this? I've got about $30k in credit available, so I could theoretically live on credit and student loans for a year, then pay it off later. I hate the thoughts of going back into debt very far, but desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

All said and done, I don't know for sure what I'm going to do. Working in the game industry is enjoyable and low-stress, but it's also very low income, and I think it's time I find some "real" work to replace the dwindling domars. I'll still be writing, but it's doubtful I'll take on six projects that all end during the same month.

Currently I'm slated for one or two more d20 supplements for Hogshead, another GURPS book or two, and have tentative offers from several other companies. But the good thing about being busy elsewhere - at college or at a "real" job - is that I'll be able to be more selective about what I write, and can avoid taking on hack projects just because I need the money. And I'd be inordinately happy if I could actually get a novel published, no matter how much (or how little) money it made me.

I'll keep y'all posted as things move along. If you're a fan of the stuff I've written, don't panic. I'm not going to stop. I just need to get back to making a decent living for a while so I can actually afford to do all the cool stuff in life, like write, travel, and buy food.

Me, back to school. Hmph. We'll see.