Review: Tarzan on the WB

Just finished watching the pilot to the new Tarzan series on WB (I had taped it; it actually premiered a couple weeks ago). I had high hopes for it; the trailers looked promising. But it turns out it's fairly typical WB fare.

I should probably add a disclaimer here to the effect that there have only been two shows on WB that I've ever watched to any degree: Birds of Prey which had its own weaknesses, and Charmed which is just downright funny enough to keep me interested. (I also notice that both shows are cast almost exclusively with actresses... hm).

Anyway, having said that, here's my take on Tarzan; your mileage may vary:

Good: Mitch Peleggi (Skinner, from X-Files) co-stars (interestingly, Pileggi was born in nearby Portland, Oregon, and lived for a time in Austin, Texas, home of Steve Jackson Games).

Other good stuff: Great fight scenes - the actor and/or stunt man doing the scenes moves like a simian. Decent plot with no hugely discernible holes (other than "man raised by apes survives for 20 years," but that comes with any Tarzan story). Greystoke Industries' black-clad commandos and stealth helicopter. Nice use of atmosphere like rain, darkness, and lighting. Jane as a cop.

Bad: Poorly written dialog and plot devices. For example, at one point, Jane's boyfriend gets a phone call on his cell phone while they're dancing in a quiet, subdued dinner club. "I can't hear you," he says to the phone, "please hold." (Please hold? Who talks like that in real life?) So he goes outside (leaving Jane alone so that Tarzan can show up and talk to her) and takes the call on the streets of New York, replete with crowd noises, horns honking, cars passing, sirens blaring... gimme a break.

Also bad: Tarzan's ape-like strength and senses. He's seen leaping 20 feet in the air across building rooftops. Okay, so he was raised by apes and walks like one, moves like one, fights like one. But living with apes makes you superpowerfully strong? And how is it he can smell/hear Jane in the streets of New York from blocks (miles?) away, and pick her scream and gunshot out of the thousands of others, so he can go save her in the nick of time?

More bad: The show can't seem to decide if it's a mediocre action-adventure or a sappy love story. Contemporary music plays over top Tarzan smelling Jane's hair while she feigns resistance, all the while swooning at his animal magnetism. And equally sappy music continues during the subsequent scene where he's arrested and manhandled into a cop car.

Worst: Travis Fimmel (a/k/a Tarzan himself). This guy is a model, not an actor (he did print ads for L'Oreal and Gap before moving to Calvin Kline for an extended stint) and he looks it. He's way too pretty to have been raised by apes in the Congo for twenty years. And what's with the hair? You'd think with it in his face all the time, he'd get blindsided in one of his many (admittedly well-choreographed) fights. No doubt the teenage girl demographic will watch the show just for him, but if there's any one thing in this series that will keep me from watching it, it's Travis Fimmel. Warner Brothers really should have put an actor into the key role; not a boy-toy eye-candy wanna-be model, no matter how good he looks with his shirt off. I might have forgiven all of this is he had a single ounce of acting talent, but he makes soap opera stars look like Oscar winners in comparison. Very bad call, WB.

I'll watch another episode or two, and see if I can get over the CK model running around barefoot without his shirt long enough to actually enjoy the rest of the show. At this point, I don't think it's likely. I'd say it's got about a 20% chance of keeping my interest past episode two or three.

Lucy Lawless (Xena: Warrior Princess) will be appearing in the series soon; I'll hang on long enough to see if that's a good or bad thing, and let y'all know.